CliffSongs

  Wichita Walkway   See the greenspaces collect their trash, A convenience unlooked for! Hidden beneath the arbor, One merely lets go, What could be easier? See the Styrofoam cups flower! Such a Quik Trip from the hand to the ground. See the plastic bags wander! Blown on the breezes as leaves From the trees they would smother. See the pop cans sparkle! Crushed underfoot by the manly. What exquisite reminders of carelessness. How the squirrels must envy our crafts! Perhaps they will nest In the discarded clothing items, yes? Perhaps the cardboard containers Were just what they needed. How fortunate is Nature, That we trash her freely, So that small creatures May make use of our poisons, Our detritus, Our ignorance. Perhaps if there were more walkways, We could stop recycling altogether! What a bright future is ours!   Cliff Lake 12/10/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  Good Talk   I take my little worries And lay them out for all to see, But I do not listen in return: Those people aren’t me. There are many inconveniences, That I must talk about, And that I find them most concerning, I will leave hardly any doubt. Listen close and don't interrupt And yes, you may have concerns of your own, But you’ll have to wait this out Until mine are completely overblown. You see, my life is a tad boring, It’s lacking in any real drama, So, before we hear your sad little tale, Let me relate my ten-dollar trauma. It’s horrific and as detailed as you can imagine, Be a pal and keep yours to yourself, Because I’m counting on draining your compassion. There was the parking lot incident, And there was a rude cashier, And some loud children playing, And I’ve had it up to here! My favorite soda is in short supply, And Amazon is late, And someone left the milk out again, And overall, I’m not feeling great. But...

AI News Machine   Cable news scrambles for cable views, Sacrificing integrity right on cue. Gray Lady makes her knee to bend, This is the beginning of the greasy end.   This is the best of journalism’s disgrace, Keeping the intentional morons square in their place. And now to protect the wholly unclean, They will roll out the AI News Machine.   Here comes the AI News Machine: Projecting the new backwards dream. It doesn’t make sense, But at least it’s intense, Just swallow what you see on the screen.   Program the bots for stories impossible. Add in a healthy dose of the most shockable. Try to keep the gullible on the edge of their seat. Fending off the learning of deeds indiscrete.   Nothing of substance, an empty calorie cuisine, Keep them distracted with the false unforeseen. Make them believe words don’t mean what they mean, After being chewed up and spat up by the AI News Machine.   Here comes the...

  Hopalong Or X Marks the Splat   Meme department marionette, Clumsying your sodden bulk From one deterioration to the next, An unclever Benedict, Exposed and fish-white.   Ringside rollicker, A wayward child with the fidgets, Chided by an even bigger baby, You have the self-awareness Of a spilled beer.   Can you trust your new pals? Can they trust you? The entire bunch of you Have the collective attention span Of a bowl of steam.   Do you sycophant hard and often enough? Do you shut your mouth often enough? Do you drool appropriately in the mighty presence? Do you wear nose plugs? Do you fetch the Cokes now?   How long before the bros make the connection? How long before they make the correction? Malevolent magician: Captures a bluebird, And turns it into a turkey.   Your one foot vertical, How did you get so high? Once one has flown so lofty, There’s no place to go but down: ...

  Payout   I make my obeisance In the Church of the Felonious Infidelity, That I may be accorded some crumbs, And pocket change.   Give unto me thy crypto scheme, That I may sip the electronic essence, And writhe in ecstatic agony, With the release of the Quarterly Report.   O what exquisite torment! May my earnings abound! May coal-fired energies be expended! May the air clog with my gainful returns!   O Mammon! I call to thee! Mayest thou bless me with untaxable lucre! Give unto me proceeds oily! That I may buy an apartment where the air is cleaner.   Thus do I prostrate myself before the corporate altar, A willing acolyte to soiled reward, If it mean An invitation into the occasional limousine.   Wouldst that thou would remove What remains of my conscience, That I might revel in prideful payoff, And think myself a better class of person.   Therefore grant unto me a greater net prof...

  Illuminated   When the chemtrails are falling And some stranger comes calling, And your phone reception goes spotty… And the All-Seeing Eye Keeps on passing by, Somebody has the idea you’ve been naughty. And it’s become clear That Templars have been here, Oh no, you’ve been spotted by the Illuminati!   It’s an information beam, Or a Freemason scheme, Or someone equally as dotty. It’s an overlording theme, The secret regime, The covert Illuminatti!   Has your social media Gotten harder to readia, Does it seem like it’s very botty? Has all of your online Turned into all downtime, Have the communications gone knotty? Is there a new signal stream? Are things even stranger than they seem? Are there messages in the manicotti? It’s not imagination, They have your registration! Looks like you’re targeted by the Illuminati!   There’s a space laser beam, There’s always a scheme, Don’t worry that the log...

  Hurrican’t Me!   I was in deep shit When the space laser hit, Operated by a weatherman. When the hurricane came, I thought it would be tame, But now I’m hanging on by a tether man. FEMA showed up, To do the cleanup, And preachin’ that DT Syndrome, So I chased ‘em off, My brain ain’t soft, And the bastards ain’t takin’ my home.   It’s a FEMA crap show, Take that money and go, So I can blame my poverty on them! It’s the liberal plan To make me less than a man! That’s my excuse for causing more mayhem.   I called up the TV, And you can believe me, Told them not to show up around my town. I made it real clear, They should not come near, Cuz I am ‘bout ready for a showdown. And I sent a email, They should all be jailed, For trying to push that crap climate change. Don’t they hear Margie Greene? Why don’t they come clean? I am tired of this Donald Trump derange!   It’s a liberal shitshow, And th...

  The Real Fake News: Ninth Yard   Mike Lindell, the pillow guy, claimed he would try to infiltrate the 2024 Democratic Convention by shaving his moustache to disguise himself. So far, no Mike Pillow sightings are reported. In unrelated news, an unattached moustache has been seen in downtown Chicago spelling out “Libtard!” and threatening passersby with a straight razor.   Donald Trump, in an effort to sink the Democratic ticket, is threatening to begin endorsing Harris/Walz. It is said that upon hearing the news, Jamie Raskin did a spit take, while Lindsey Graham had to ask for a second box of Kleenex.   Having found themselves out of the news cycle for nearly a week, Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene have scheduled a bare-knuckle bout. The event is to take place near the swing set during recess.   Catturd™ is reported to have recently realized that he has named himself after feces and is investigating rebranding. Purportedly he is consi...

  The “W” Word   Hey weirdo, where the hell’s your shaman hat? Here in the GOP, weird is where it’s at! Get yerself an ear diaper, and a gold shoe or two, Got yer talking Trump doll and yer lower back tattoo?   How about investing in a two-dollar bill? Only 19.95 but you can’t spend that swill. Make yerself a new flag to pledge allegiance to, And wear a Trump diaper, like they told you to .   And do you have twenty Trump signs out on your lawn? You only have 18? What is going on? And paint your truck all up with his holy name, And buy every goddam NFT until you go insane.   And call everyone without a Trump tattoo a damn pedophile, And watch your pastor in jail for sex abuse all the while. And run away from windmills – there ain’t no cancer cure! And end your prayers in Hannibal’s name, you know, to be sure.   Don’t you never get in no boat that has a battery, Yer guaranteed to meet that shark when you’re lost a...

  Them Old Red Blues   You made the Secret Servers stop, To get the secret photo op. You made your injury unclear, Wearing a diaper on your ear.   You got them Old Red Blues, Look at Kamala light the fuse! Looks like it’s time to pay your dues, Look out boy, it’s time to lose.   For VP you picked JD Vance, Another super shady man. Then Good Ol’ Joe gives up his chair, Hear you cryin’ “It isn’t fair!”   You got them Old Red Blues, Dark Brandon gave you a bruise! You bought into the easy ruse, Look out boy it’s time to lose.   What is the platform, what will you do? Your only platform is in your shoes. Can you say anything but bitchin? If the heat’s too high, get out the kitchen!   You got them Old Red Blues, Look at Kamala light the fuse! Looks like it’s time to pay your dues, Look out boy, it’s time to lose.   Cliff Lake 7/25/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  Mr. Greene   Mr. Greene, that MAGA machine, Came to committee with a dream, And to express her frothing frustration. Mr. Greene with a scream, released all her steam Demanding redress of a situation. You see this doctor cared about international welfare, He wasn’t looking at no bottom line. But Mr. Greene, she feels this is obscene, She has the corporate interests to mind. So Mr. Greene caused another scene, Refusing to acknowledge degree. Then Mr. Greene, so off her bean, Made demands of her entire committee. Poor Mr. Greene, I think you need a health screen, Your brain seems somewhat overripe. Mr. Marjorie Greene, is it too much caffeine, Maybe you banged your head on that pipe. I think Mr. Greene, you never grew past fifteen, Acting like a spoiled child. Maybe Mr. Greene, this is just a smokescreen, So you aren’t busted for going hog wild. Mr. Marjorie Greene, has no mind left it seems, MAGA mismanaged ‘til the end. O Mr. ...

  Rubber Chicken Blues   Well, it was off to the LNC, take those kids to school, Gonna talk them Libbatarrymens into your pricktater rule, Looks like they think you are just a big tool, You ended up exposing yourself as a really big fool.   No MAGA stuffing, out there on your own. How did it feel to be up there alone? You kinda just wrote your own tombstone, Maybe the next one you will postpone.   You couldn’t be heard above the boos, They ain’t no MAGA, they can’t be schmoozed. How you gonna heal that ego bruise? You got those Libertarian rubber chicken blues.   You stopped with a crash on the campaign trail. Thirty minutes in you had to bail. Showing the world that you’re sure to fail. What will this do to an ego so frail?   You really bombed there, what’s the excuse? Your own fault you didn’t pick up on the cues. You could go back, but what’s the use? Always got those Libertarian rubber chicken blues. ...

  Congratulations, Hannibal Lecter!   Congratulations, Dr. Lecter, We wish you all the best. You truly are the best selecter, To choose a dinner guest.   And what about the mighty Sauron? His praises we will sing! Even though less water trickles, To make his bathtub Ring.   Let’s not forget dead Cthulhu, He’s dead and dreaming still. Probably he died of cancer, From dangerous windmills.   We must honor Dracula, With great impunity! Being that he’s dead already, He’s got immunity!   And don’t we just love Pennywise? One of Maine’s greatest prides. He can help us to surmise, There’s good people on both sides.   Yes, let us celebrate these mighty ones, And how strong they make us look! We take pride they’re on our side… Whadda ya mean they’re just from books?   Cliff Lake 5/14/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  Conspire Required   No one really knows just how I feel inside. Half my information is twisted and cockeyed. My psyche evaluation I think I can confide: Tried to feed my brain worm but it’s gone and died.   I’m feeling so much better since I quit sniffing glue. I’m feeling so much smarter since I joined the queue. I feel my understanding has now really grew, After I quit bothering to think things through and through.   What I really need is conspiracy! I’ll never know that ignorance is feeding me. Can’t understand what you say to me, Government control and my gun makes three, What we need in here is conspiracy.   If I don’t understand it, then there is some big plan, By the men in black; it’s so goddam underhand. Which new products should be secretly banned, And do I still need to keep my testicles tanned?   So much information that I need to ignore, So many covert pamphlets in my underwear drawer. Am I th...

  This House is a Mess   Hey there House MAGA, Are you feelin’ far-right? Why do your enemies, Nazi the light?   We know you’re just proud, boys, Fighting the good fight, Aryan’t you just trying, To keep America white?   Hey they there House MAGA, Why are you Russian around? Don’t let these Dems keep, Putin you down.   Why K, K, Kant They leave you in peace? Don’t know why they think, They’re the Fascism police…   So proud you’re able to Keep your Patriot Front. Even if you have to Follow some miserable… person.   Seems like so many, Want to replace you, So, my House MAGA, What Klan you do?   What Klan you do? Can’t fly the coup, Woke just won’t do, What Klan you do?   Cliff Lake 4/24/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  The Three Toe Stumble   Here comes Marge, motion in hand, No real support, but she will grandstand. They once followed but now they bail, Poor widdle Marjorie, doomed to fail.   Hear her yellin’ about space lasers, She ain’t satisfied with Texas razors. She hates it when you’re behind Ukraine, She won’t be happy until nuclear rain.   Marjorie, Marjorie, talk that jumble! Marjorie, don’t you see, you should be humble! Marjorie, all your plans do crumble, You’re tryin’ to dance, but you Three-Toe Stumble!   Now which amendment do we throw out? The ones you want just make me doubt, That you have any clue what you talk about, And face it Marge, you got no clout.   Marjorie will bitch, whine, and scream, Cuz she can’t further Putin’s scheme. She says Johnson’s on the street, Marjorie, just accept defeat!   Marjorie, Marjorie, talk that jumble! Marjorie, don’t you see, you should be humble! Marjorie...

  BAG O’ FACTS   Hello friends, are you or is someone close to you Mike Lindell? Are you having trouble assembling facts to fit your narrative? Have you promised everyone you know that you have evidence that you just can’t produce? Have you lost everything because you have no intel? Well, today is YOUR LUCKY DAY! Introducing MIKE LINDELL’S BAG O’ FACTS!! That’s right! Now you, yes you Mike Lindell, can have an entire BAG O’ FACTS of your very own to hawk on your own media site! Isn’t that exciting? IT SURE IS!! With just one BAG O’ FACTS you can freely disperse truth bombs for DAYS IN A ROW!! What’s in it for you, you ask? JUST COMPLETE VINDICATION!! How’s that sound Mike Lindell? But wait! THERE’S MORE!! With your BAG O’ FACTS you can literally go to any federal court and WIN A CASE!! THAT’S RIGHT! YOU CAN WIN A CASE MIKE LINDELL!!! How does that sound? And with every case won, you can fade into obscurity or even START SELLING PILLOWS AT WALMART AGAIN!! NOW how do you f...

  Conspiracy Theories You Have Not Heard Yet (But Should Believe in Because the Bible or Something)   Democrats will require all Republicans to vote Ukrainian or be forced to have trans babies. Mexico is sending everything you are afraid of to your state because Joe Biden. China is growing fentanyl vegetables, and you already ate some. You will no longer be able to vote for Putin unless you move to Canada with the rest of the goddam Commies. They want your liver. And your kidneys. Iran is moving to Texas and it’s already too late to stop it. AOC is planning a Bible shredding ceremony on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Attendance is mandatory. Stephen Miller will no longer be allowed to wear his human skin disguise. Donald John Trump was replaced with an AI robot and it’s beginning to break down. Massachusetts has never actually existed and the land there is a CIA psy-op. You are related to Adam Kinzinger and everyone secretly knows. Marjorie Tayl...

  Not Like That   Now ol’ Joe he had a plan. To help Ukraine like only we can. To push back Putin, defeat the madman. And fix the border at the Rio Grande. But the Republican says:   “Not like that! Not like that! This is how we make your plan go splat. This is how we keep our wallets fat. Not like that! Not like that! Hey motherfucker, not like that!”   Now you wanna keep your Medicare, Use the funds you donated there. Social Security would be fair, Just like the liberals do declare. But the conservative says:   “Not like that! Not like that! This is how we screw the Democrat. This is how we keep our wallets fat. Not like that! Not like that! Hey motherfucker, not like that!”   Wanna have a country that is sane? Wanna see common sense reign? Wanna see us go down the drain? Then vote the conman in again. Not like that!   Wanna get war weapons off the street? Let your kids’ lives be com...

  Chant of the Ever-Spiraling Dipshit   Down is up and round is square, And shoes should be worn in the hair. And 2 plus 2 will equal 3, In the new autocracy. Let’s be clear, I am so smart, I put the horse behind the cart. I let him push it with his head, I beat that horse, but it’s still dead. See me in my merry dance, See the bulge behind my pants. See me make up all new facts, See me when I take them back. Looky, looky, over there! See me criming, you don’t care. See my posts, THEY’RE ALL IN CAPS, See me on constant attack. See me get away with it, So you can all do the same shit. Know we are all the same sort, Guess we all end up in court. See the truth depreciate, See the new ones you should hate. Evidence hid in the weeds, Tending only to my needs. When I sense that I am done, Don’t think I won’t cut and run. And leave my kids some golden trust, If they aren’t under the bus. Now my little song is through, Some...