CliffSongs

  Loony Time   Crises pulled daily, Manufactured by the wily, Extracted and presented As if from the forever pocket Of the animated hare, Leaving us to ask: “What’s up, Don?” We see the signs: It’s rabid season.   Yearning to be the rootinest-tootinest, He comes off a bit too daffy, And in desperation declares: “This means war.” Still, dark secrets loom, And when asked where they are found We’re told, “They went that-a-way.” Watch him dip, dive, and dodge. It’s duck season.   Pontificate, obfuscate, complicate. Explanations reach their acme, Blowing up when handled, Requiring more answer than: “That’s all, folks!” Still, they rush headlong, Towards the tunnel, They painted themselves. Can’t they read the signs? It’s rabid season.   And it’s despicable.   Cliff Lake 9/28/2025 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2025

  The Real Fake News – Amended Edition   Donald Trump today filed a suit against fast food giant McDonald’s for 30 billion dollars over their naming of the Big Mac, his favorite sandwich from the franchise. Said the president, “Just because a burger has some height, that doesn’t make it big, or large, or oversized, and eating one or ten shouldn’t mean anyone doing that is large or dumpy, I call it dumpy, it’s dumpy, but I’m not, and that’s what the left would say, does say, they said dumpy and that’s not what we’re going to stand for. So, McDonald’s needs to stop being leftist.” McDonalds purportedly has offered to settle for a smaller sum and a large fry.   The President of the United States today asked Congress to “turn off any microphone with a Democrat sitting at it.” Claiming that Democrats “have nothing to say that patriotic Americans need to hear, want to hear, because it’s all against Trump”.   The president also has asked the Supreme Court to “sue Ho...

  Specials   We are the secret special cops, Keepers of the secret ops. We don’t know What we don’t know, But the pay is good, Can’t make us stop.   We know where the secrets are, But tell us all you know. The microphones are not too far, Make sure you speak real slow.   Just relax in the restrictive rig, You’re not leaving anyhow. Can you name us Mr. Big, And is he with us now?   We are the special secret cops, Keepers of the special ops. We don’t know What we don’t know, We’re up to no good, Can’t make us stop.   We’re your friends, why make a fuss? Just tell us what you can. Really, who else can you trust, We need to know the plan.   A mystery man was in the can, Did he get a note? Who are you with, who is your clan, What was it that you wrote?   We are special and we’re cops, They give us all the special ops. We don’t know What we don’t know, Things are getting goo...

  Shootout at the Not OK Corral   Rumors flying, much denying, Disciples on both sides buying. Neither of them much on slying, Neither of them can stop crying.   Accusations spread galore, Who can guess what’s next in store? High school hijinks, such a snore, Too much power to ignore.   The kiddie games, The calling names, The big fallout, A crying shame. The messy mess That it’s became, On opposed sides Both the same.   Text and text and text and next, Which one has the biggest flex? All this noise just for effect, All this noise is all project.   The kiddie games, The calling names, The big fallout, A crying shame. The messy mess That it’s became, On opposed sides Both the same.   Both are right, Both are wrong. Both exposed Within this song. Both propped up By money strong, Both up high, Neither belong.   The big train that’s losing steam, The other lost i...

  A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT   Dear U.S. citizens, Your residency retention tax is due. Payment must be immediate. Cryptocurrency is preferred for tax purposes, And may be eligible for a discounted rate, If and when we feel like it.   Please see attached Dermahue™ chart for your rate. Remember: tanning is no excuse!   This administration would once again like to congratulate Last month’s winners of the Produce Lottery – It is understood that the tomatoes Weren’t as overripe as in the previous drawings. Congratulations!   Be advised that the Produce Lottery Is suspended Until such time as The labor camps are restocked With fresh “voluntary” homeless, And the remaining political agitators.   Citizens, The rumors of a deadly strain of measles Continue to be false! The cities of Houston, Dallas, New Orleans, Detroit, Chicago, and Boston are fine! All should be back online shortly, And as vigorous ...

  Quota   As I stood in line Waiting for my propaganda quota, To get my fill of the pamphlets, The posters, The promos, The pills, I tried to imagine a time When it wasn’t required, And I might be allowed to think for myself. What happy days they could have been! Waking every morning unadvised, Not quite knowing where you might go or, What you might wear to work or, Where you might lunch that day or, What you might do that evening. Think of it! A myriad of choices! All yours to make! Clothing of different colors, Different styles, Mixing and matching! Varieties of foods, Some cold! Some hot! Yours for the asking! And what if you (on your own) Could choose your entertainment? Or simply choose to stay home? Imagine! Your entire day Filled with choices, Selections, Options, Opportunities… And being forced your every waking minute To have an opinion, To have preferences… To make decisions… On your own!...

 

  Technical Foul   How did the signal go awry? Point the finger at the other guy! Responsibility need not apply, If confusion you amplify.   Investigators on the prowl. Newspapers begin to howl. Don’t give in, throw in the towel, It was just a technical foul.   Never mind why the wisemen scowl, Keep shoveling shit with a bear-sized trowel, Feel the tightening grip in your bowel, While you commit to your technical foul.   Don’t worry, your job is fine, Just say it was all by design. Or that there are new guidelines, Or you were hacked by him sometime.   It’s all less than what it seems: Who knows what F-18 means? Let them bitch and moan and growl, Simply a technical foul.   Never mind why the wisemen scowl, Keep shoveling shit with a bear-sized trowel, Feel the tightening grip in your bowel, While you commit to your technical foul.   Cliff Lake 3/27/2025 Copyright © Clifford Lake 202...

  Mixed Signal   Open the information stream, It is as bad as what it seems. It looks like this crop’s been creamed, Signals sent on widest beam.   Drink to a pretended war, Take your shot and then one more. Signal the upcoming score, Discuss it all through an open door.   Appreciate the signal spread. Approximate within the thread. Apprehension, fear, and dread, Apply liberally to the head.   Drinks all around! Be of good cheer! The signal’s long and loud and clear! Nothing to lose! Nothing to fear, This side of the Atlantic’s clear!   Drink up men, it’s said and done. Drink up while the tale is spun. The signal went; it’s all good fun, Drink up before we’re overrun!   The signal sent so good and strong, Signal sent where it don’t belong. Signal sent and it’s so wrong, Signal got you in this song.   Signals beaming through the night, Signals beamed before the fight. Signal sent a...

  Crash Carnival   Hello suckers… ARE WE READY FOR THE CRASH CARNIVAL? WELL???   We open the curtain to: The Elaborate Disaster, Intricate in its processes, An undulate progression, Stagnant in practice. See the Clown Confessor! He explains the course corrections, Not getting the joke, He tells all. See the Big Hat! It’s on top and still empty! Not everyone wants to wear it – They all put it on. It’s starting to get too heavy, But that’s the fashion these days! And look there! It’s the Minion Ride! Climb on and lose your mind! And then your soul. Or the reverse if you like, It doesn’t matter which, It’s still an endless spiral, And the only direction is down. And what is there to eat? Crow. Lots and lots of crow. And your hat and of course your foot, Which has been in your mouth all along! And all of it is covered in sugar and cocaine: Tastes sweet going down, Gets you on your way in a hurry, And ke...

  For Immediate Rele ase: The Real Fake News – Kids in the Hall Edition   Elon Musk today announced plans to have wheels replace his feet after discovering one of them was a left. “If we’re going to make any progress, I’m going to have to roll through this presid… uh, appointment.” said the erstwhile cyborg to a group of children he pulled from a large sack. He then ordered the group to rifle through the Resolute desk and throw out whatever they found.   President Trump took laps at the Daytona 500 race. As expected, no egg prices dropped as a result.   Mark Zuckerberg has cancelled all public appearances until his oil can is located. He has however promised to continue making Facebook even worse.   Health and Human Services secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. today denied reports of the existence of the H5N1 virus, also known as “bird flu” claiming, “Whoever heard of a bird with cold symptoms, I mean, c’mon!” Meanwhile he promised to release a list of...

  EO Magician   The price of breakfast isn’t falling, He says it just fell more. Isn’t it just so enthralling, Watching your savings vanish in the store?   It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t a clue, Don’t worry when it all goes wrong, He’s found out what he needs to do: He sings the Executive Order song.   It’s the spiky signature cleanse: Watch him EO away blame. The Presidential Seal of approval – No bad attached to his name.   Now he gathers the friendly billionaires, So why not crash the economy? It isn’t that he doesn’t care, It’s just that it’s not another felony.   Don’t ask him any questions, It isn’t that he doesn’t know; He just needs the right suggestion, And then sign it into truth by EO.   It’s the spiky signature cleanse: Watch him EO away blame. The Presidential Seal of approval – No bad attached to his name.   Does he see a thing he doesn’t like? He just needs that paper...

  Return of the Son of the Bride of THE REAL FAKE NEWS (Extended Edition)   Federal workers are demanding access to SNAP and EBT as part of their severance packages following upcoming government layoffs. Ambulances rushed to the Eisenhower building after Elon Musk heard of the demands and passed out from “an extreme attack of the giggles.” He was revived with a large dose of molly.   Burger King has denounced Trump’s first week in office. A spokesman for BK angrily asked, “Does he have a crown? Does he have a crown like this?” rapidly unfolding a copy of the familiar headgear.   The Secret Service is reportedly on high alert for “Well-dressed militia” after Trump’s Executive Order banning transgender military personnel.   After a blessing of Washington DC by Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde, Robert Kennedy Jr. complained of a “brain rash” and asked for an exorcism, while First Lady Melania said that her husbands own rash remain unchanged and “is lookin...

  Wichita Walkway   See the greenspaces collect their trash, A convenience unlooked for! Hidden beneath the arbor, One merely lets go, What could be easier? See the Styrofoam cups flower! Such a Quik Trip from the hand to the ground. See the plastic bags wander! Blown on the breezes as leaves From the trees they would smother. See the pop cans sparkle! Crushed underfoot by the manly. What exquisite reminders of carelessness. How the squirrels must envy our crafts! Perhaps they will nest In the discarded clothing items, yes? Perhaps the cardboard containers Were just what they needed. How fortunate is Nature, That we trash her freely, So that small creatures May make use of our poisons, Our detritus, Our ignorance. Perhaps if there were more walkways, We could stop recycling altogether! What a bright future is ours!   Cliff Lake 12/10/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  Good Talk   I take my little worries And lay them out for all to see, But I do not listen in return: Those people aren’t me. There are many inconveniences, That I must talk about, And that I find them most concerning, I will leave hardly any doubt. Listen close and don't interrupt And yes, you may have concerns of your own, But you’ll have to wait this out Until mine are completely overblown. You see, my life is a tad boring, It’s lacking in any real drama, So, before we hear your sad little tale, Let me relate my ten-dollar trauma. It’s horrific and as detailed as you can imagine, Be a pal and keep yours to yourself, Because I’m counting on draining your compassion. There was the parking lot incident, And there was a rude cashier, And some loud children playing, And I’ve had it up to here! My favorite soda is in short supply, And Amazon is late, And someone left the milk out again, And overall, I’m not feeling great. But...

AI News Machine   Cable news scrambles for cable views, Sacrificing integrity right on cue. Gray Lady makes her knee to bend, This is the beginning of the greasy end.   This is the best of journalism’s disgrace, Keeping the intentional morons square in their place. And now to protect the wholly unclean, They will roll out the AI News Machine.   Here comes the AI News Machine: Projecting the new backwards dream. It doesn’t make sense, But at least it’s intense, Just swallow what you see on the screen.   Program the bots for stories impossible. Add in a healthy dose of the most shockable. Try to keep the gullible on the edge of their seat. Fending off the learning of deeds indiscrete.   Nothing of substance, an empty calorie cuisine, Keep them distracted with the false unforeseen. Make them believe words don’t mean what they mean, After being chewed up and spat up by the AI News Machine.   Here comes the...

  Hopalong Or X Marks the Splat   Meme department marionette, Clumsying your sodden bulk From one deterioration to the next, An unclever Benedict, Exposed and fish-white.   Ringside rollicker, A wayward child with the fidgets, Chided by an even bigger baby, You have the self-awareness Of a spilled beer.   Can you trust your new pals? Can they trust you? The entire bunch of you Have the collective attention span Of a bowl of steam.   Do you sycophant hard and often enough? Do you shut your mouth often enough? Do you drool appropriately in the mighty presence? Do you wear nose plugs? Do you fetch the Cokes now?   How long before the bros make the connection? How long before they make the correction? Malevolent magician: Captures a bluebird, And turns it into a turkey.   Your one foot vertical, How did you get so high? Once one has flown so lofty, There’s no place to go but down: ...

  Payout   I make my obeisance In the Church of the Felonious Infidelity, That I may be accorded some crumbs, And pocket change.   Give unto me thy crypto scheme, That I may sip the electronic essence, And writhe in ecstatic agony, With the release of the Quarterly Report.   O what exquisite torment! May my earnings abound! May coal-fired energies be expended! May the air clog with my gainful returns!   O Mammon! I call to thee! Mayest thou bless me with untaxable lucre! Give unto me proceeds oily! That I may buy an apartment where the air is cleaner.   Thus do I prostrate myself before the corporate altar, A willing acolyte to soiled reward, If it mean An invitation into the occasional limousine.   Wouldst that thou would remove What remains of my conscience, That I might revel in prideful payoff, And think myself a better class of person.   Therefore grant unto me a greater net prof...

  Illuminated   When the chemtrails are falling And some stranger comes calling, And your phone reception goes spotty… And the All-Seeing Eye Keeps on passing by, Somebody has the idea you’ve been naughty. And it’s become clear That Templars have been here, Oh no, you’ve been spotted by the Illuminati!   It’s an information beam, Or a Freemason scheme, Or someone equally as dotty. It’s an overlording theme, The secret regime, The covert Illuminatti!   Has your social media Gotten harder to readia, Does it seem like it’s very botty? Has all of your online Turned into all downtime, Have the communications gone knotty? Is there a new signal stream? Are things even stranger than they seem? Are there messages in the manicotti? It’s not imagination, They have your registration! Looks like you’re targeted by the Illuminati!   There’s a space laser beam, There’s always a scheme, Don’t worry that the log...

  Hurrican’t Me!   I was in deep shit When the space laser hit, Operated by a weatherman. When the hurricane came, I thought it would be tame, But now I’m hanging on by a tether man. FEMA showed up, To do the cleanup, And preachin’ that DT Syndrome, So I chased ‘em off, My brain ain’t soft, And the bastards ain’t takin’ my home.   It’s a FEMA crap show, Take that money and go, So I can blame my poverty on them! It’s the liberal plan To make me less than a man! That’s my excuse for causing more mayhem.   I called up the TV, And you can believe me, Told them not to show up around my town. I made it real clear, They should not come near, Cuz I am ‘bout ready for a showdown. And I sent a email, They should all be jailed, For trying to push that crap climate change. Don’t they hear Margie Greene? Why don’t they come clean? I am tired of this Donald Trump derange!   It’s a liberal shitshow, And th...