CliffSongs

  This House is a Mess   Hey there House MAGA, Are you feelin’ far-right? Why do your enemies, Nazi the light?   We know you’re just proud, boys, Fighting the good fight, Aryan’t you just trying, To keep America white?   Hey they there House MAGA, Why are you Russian around? Don’t let these Dems keep, Putin you down.   Why K, K, Kant They leave you in peace? Don’t know why they think, They’re the Fascism police…   So proud you’re able to Keep your Patriot Front. Even if you have to Follow some miserable… person.   Seems like so many, Want to replace you, So, my House MAGA, What Klan you do?   What Klan you do? Can’t fly the coup, Woke just won’t do, What Klan you do?   Cliff Lake 4/24/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  The Three Toe Stumble   Here comes Marge, motion in hand, No real support, but she will grandstand. They once followed but now they bail, Poor widdle Marjorie, doomed to fail.   Hear her yellin’ about space lasers, She ain’t satisfied with Texas razors. She hates it when you’re behind Ukraine, She won’t be happy until nuclear rain.   Marjorie, Marjorie, talk that jumble! Marjorie, don’t you see, you should be humble! Marjorie, all your plans do crumble, You’re tryin’ to dance, but you Three-Toe Stumble!   Now which amendment do we throw out? The ones you want just make me doubt, That you have any clue what you talk about, And face it Marge, you got no clout.   Marjorie will bitch, whine, and scream, Cuz she can’t further Putin’s scheme. She says Johnson’s on the street, Marjorie, just accept defeat!   Marjorie, Marjorie, talk that jumble! Marjorie, don’t you see, you should be humble! Marjorie, all your plans do crumble, You

  BAG O’ FACTS   Hello friends, are you or is someone close to you Mike Lindell? Are you having trouble assembling facts to fit your narrative? Have you promised everyone you know that you have evidence that you just can’t produce? Have you lost everything because you have no intel? Well, today is YOUR LUCKY DAY! Introducing MIKE LINDELL’S BAG O’ FACTS!! That’s right! Now you, yes you Mike Lindell, can have an entire BAG O’ FACTS of your very own to hawk on your own media site! Isn’t that exciting? IT SURE IS!! With just one BAG O’ FACTS you can freely disperse truth bombs for DAYS IN A ROW!! What’s in it for you, you ask? JUST COMPLETE VINDICATION!! How’s that sound Mike Lindell? But wait! THERE’S MORE!! With your BAG O’ FACTS you can literally go to any federal court and WIN A CASE!! THAT’S RIGHT! YOU CAN WIN A CASE MIKE LINDELL!!! How does that sound? And with every case won, you can fade into obscurity or even START SELLING PILLOWS AT WALMART AGAIN!! NOW how do you feel?? L

  Conspiracy Theories You Have Not Heard Yet (But Should Believe in Because the Bible or Something)   Democrats will require all Republicans to vote Ukrainian or be forced to have trans babies. Mexico is sending everything you are afraid of to your state because Joe Biden. China is growing fentanyl vegetables, and you already ate some. You will no longer be able to vote for Putin unless you move to Canada with the rest of the goddam Commies. They want your liver. And your kidneys. Iran is moving to Texas and it’s already too late to stop it. AOC is planning a Bible shredding ceremony on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Attendance is mandatory. Stephen Miller will no longer be allowed to wear his human skin disguise. Donald John Trump was replaced with an AI robot and it’s beginning to break down. Massachusetts has never actually existed and the land there is a CIA psy-op. You are related to Adam Kinzinger and everyone secretly knows. Marjorie Taylor Greene

  Not Like That   Now ol’ Joe he had a plan. To help Ukraine like only we can. To push back Putin, defeat the madman. And fix the border at the Rio Grande. But the Republican says:   “Not like that! Not like that! This is how we make your plan go splat. This is how we keep our wallets fat. Not like that! Not like that! Hey motherfucker, not like that!”   Now you wanna keep your Medicare, Use the funds you donated there. Social Security would be fair, Just like the liberals do declare. But the conservative says:   “Not like that! Not like that! This is how we screw the Democrat. This is how we keep our wallets fat. Not like that! Not like that! Hey motherfucker, not like that!”   Wanna have a country that is sane? Wanna see common sense reign? Wanna see us go down the drain? Then vote the conman in again. Not like that!   Wanna get war weapons off the street? Let your kids’ lives be complete. Comply with 2A, but discr

  Chant of the Ever-Spiraling Dipshit   Down is up and round is square, And shoes should be worn in the hair. And 2 plus 2 will equal 3, In the new autocracy. Let’s be clear, I am so smart, I put the horse behind the cart. I let him push it with his head, I beat that horse, but it’s still dead. See me in my merry dance, See the bulge behind my pants. See me make up all new facts, See me when I take them back. Looky, looky, over there! See me criming, you don’t care. See my posts, THEY’RE ALL IN CAPS, See me on constant attack. See me get away with it, So you can all do the same shit. Know we are all the same sort, Guess we all end up in court. See the truth depreciate, See the new ones you should hate. Evidence hid in the weeds, Tending only to my needs. When I sense that I am done, Don’t think I won’t cut and run. And leave my kids some golden trust, If they aren’t under the bus. Now my little song is through, Someone tell

  Smarts   He has all the best words, the ones that cause him trouble, Creeping on confession, gonna cost him double. He says he has immunity, and that he’s doing fine, No one has immunity, he’ll be doing time.   First he didn’t, then he did, says he was allowed to. He’s never met a consequence, thinks he is endowed to. Talks about Gravano, we listen to him yammer, Donald Trump is smart like a fish is a hammer.   Come on Donnie, tell us more, We don’t know what you’re waiting for. Your mouth points you at the slammer, ‘Cause Trump is smart like a fish is a hammer.   Who you gonna threaten next, that works so well for you. Your words are under sharp inspect, don’t you think things through? We pick up each admission in between the clamor, Donnie, you are brainy like a fish is a hammer.   Come on Donnie, tell us more, We don’t know what you’re waiting for. Your mouth points you at the slammer, ‘Cause Trump is smart like a fish is a hammer.

  The Real Fake News Eight-Ball   Greg Pence, a Republican Congressman and unacknowledged brother of former VP Mike Pence has announced he will not seek reelection, saying, “I found out that my brother was planning on hanging around on January 6 and that didn’t sit well.” Following the announcement, Speaker Mike Johnson was presented with a replacement hammer from an old Playskool My First Toolbox set.   Lauren Boebert was “advised” by D.C. police today to stop punching herself in the face following an altercation with a hot cup of coffee she spilled on herself. She was seen later in the day swatting at a “Don’t Walk” sign and screaming and swearing in Coloradan.   Also, Boebert told reporters that she is planning on running for a House seat in “Iwo Jima because that flagpole could use a dancer.” When informed Iwo Jima is in Japan, she replied that she didn’t mind a commute.   The so-called Freedom Caucus of the House GOP are planning on voting down a bill that would gi

  The Real Fake News: The Magnificent Seventh   James Comer is reportedly issuing a subpoena for Hunter Biden to appear before the Committee on Oversite and Accountability to inquire if Biden knows anything about his missing keys. “I had them yesterday” said the committee chair, “These Bidens are into everything!” he exclaimed. Comer then added, “Also I think he knows where I parked and that’s information we need!”   In related news, House of Representatives Mike Johnson has reportedly suggested to Comer to “Try snake handling. If he’s innocent, he won’t get bit. That’s what I tell the kids.” They then made plans to exchange wives, “in committee, appropriately.”   Johnson has also indicated a desire to form a committee to investigate the Book of Revelations in the Christian Bible to “Figure out what in tarnation we’re doing wrong. Why isn’t it Armageddon already? Besides, we’re not sure which beast we are any more either.”   Marjorie Taylor Greene is launching an invest

  1 Congressionals 1:1-9   1. It came to be on a certain day just before the holiday break that a vote was required of those in the House and it was predicted that a bill of consequence would not be allowed passage for there was certain dissension and grumbling among the least honorable among them. 2. For the MAGA thought to themselves that they would not fund the defense bill if charitable works were brought forth by men in burlesque as was long custom. For they found within themselves unnatural tendencies they could not admit. 3. And also these inconstant thought to themselves to bar access to healthcare to those they deemed unworthy for they were merely women who had proved equal to the tasks given them. 4. Moreover these fearful would keep from the armies persons unlike themselves in some ways and that made them feel funny in their pants. 5. And in that day did the Speaker do an end run and called a procedural vote and did foil the MAGA for he was beholden to the milita

  Troll Toll   Hello person, have I got a deal: Does the sound of money have any appeal? Is the bulk of your wallet less than ideal? Take the cash and forget those ideals.   Here’s your script, you know what to do, No, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t true. Suppress your qualms, don’t get in a stew, What has a conscience ever done for you?   How much for your loyalty, friend? My pockets are deep, it need not end. Just say these things and the truth will upend, How much for your loyalty, friend?   Now don’t let these guys confuse you with facts. And if they do, just claim you’re attacked. You don’t have to vote R, it’s all a playact, You can trust us; we got your back.   How much for your loyalty, friend? My pockets are deep, it need not end. Just say these things and the truth will upend, How much for your loyalty, friend?   Now don’t you forget where you got that dough, We’ll tell you what we think you should know. Don’t ask any q