CliffSongs

  For Immediate Rele ase: The Real Fake News – Kids in the Hall Edition   Elon Musk today announced plans to have wheels replace his feet after discovering one of them was a left. “If we’re going to make any progress, I’m going to have to roll through this presid… uh, appointment.” said the erstwhile cyborg to a group of children he pulled from a large sack. He then ordered the group to rifle through the Resolute desk and throw out whatever they found.   President Trump took laps at the Daytona 500 race. As expected, no egg prices dropped as a result.   Mark Zuckerberg has cancelled all public appearances until his oil can is located. He has however promised to continue making Facebook even worse.   Health and Human Services secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. today denied reports of the existence of the H5N1 virus, also known as “bird flu” claiming, “Whoever heard of a bird with cold symptoms, I mean, c’mon!” Meanwhile he promised to release a list of...

  EO Magician   The price of breakfast isn’t falling, He says it just fell more. Isn’t it just so enthralling, Watching your savings vanish in the store?   It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t a clue, Don’t worry when it all goes wrong, He’s found out what he needs to do: He sings the Executive Order song.   It’s the spiky signature cleanse: Watch him EO away blame. The Presidential Seal of approval – No bad attached to his name.   Now he gathers the friendly billionaires, So why not crash the economy? It isn’t that he doesn’t care, It’s just that it’s not another felony.   Don’t ask him any questions, It isn’t that he doesn’t know; He just needs the right suggestion, And then sign it into truth by EO.   It’s the spiky signature cleanse: Watch him EO away blame. The Presidential Seal of approval – No bad attached to his name.   Does he see a thing he doesn’t like? He just needs that paper...

  Return of the Son of the Bride of THE REAL FAKE NEWS (Extended Edition)   Federal workers are demanding access to SNAP and EBT as part of their severance packages following upcoming government layoffs. Ambulances rushed to the Eisenhower building after Elon Musk heard of the demands and passed out from “an extreme attack of the giggles.” He was revived with a large dose of molly.   Burger King has denounced Trump’s first week in office. A spokesman for BK angrily asked, “Does he have a crown? Does he have a crown like this?” rapidly unfolding a copy of the familiar headgear.   The Secret Service is reportedly on high alert for “Well-dressed militia” after Trump’s Executive Order banning transgender military personnel.   After a blessing of Washington DC by Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde, Robert Kennedy Jr. complained of a “brain rash” and asked for an exorcism, while First Lady Melania said that her husbands own rash remain unchanged and “is lookin...

  Wichita Walkway   See the greenspaces collect their trash, A convenience unlooked for! Hidden beneath the arbor, One merely lets go, What could be easier? See the Styrofoam cups flower! Such a Quik Trip from the hand to the ground. See the plastic bags wander! Blown on the breezes as leaves From the trees they would smother. See the pop cans sparkle! Crushed underfoot by the manly. What exquisite reminders of carelessness. How the squirrels must envy our crafts! Perhaps they will nest In the discarded clothing items, yes? Perhaps the cardboard containers Were just what they needed. How fortunate is Nature, That we trash her freely, So that small creatures May make use of our poisons, Our detritus, Our ignorance. Perhaps if there were more walkways, We could stop recycling altogether! What a bright future is ours!   Cliff Lake 12/10/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  Good Talk   I take my little worries And lay them out for all to see, But I do not listen in return: Those people aren’t me. There are many inconveniences, That I must talk about, And that I find them most concerning, I will leave hardly any doubt. Listen close and don't interrupt And yes, you may have concerns of your own, But you’ll have to wait this out Until mine are completely overblown. You see, my life is a tad boring, It’s lacking in any real drama, So, before we hear your sad little tale, Let me relate my ten-dollar trauma. It’s horrific and as detailed as you can imagine, Be a pal and keep yours to yourself, Because I’m counting on draining your compassion. There was the parking lot incident, And there was a rude cashier, And some loud children playing, And I’ve had it up to here! My favorite soda is in short supply, And Amazon is late, And someone left the milk out again, And overall, I’m not feeling great. But...

  Hopalong Or X Marks the Splat   Meme department marionette, Clumsying your sodden bulk From one deterioration to the next, An unclever Benedict, Exposed and fish-white.   Ringside rollicker, A wayward child with the fidgets, Chided by an even bigger baby, You have the self-awareness Of a spilled beer.   Can you trust your new pals? Can they trust you? The entire bunch of you Have the collective attention span Of a bowl of steam.   Do you sycophant hard and often enough? Do you shut your mouth often enough? Do you drool appropriately in the mighty presence? Do you wear nose plugs? Do you fetch the Cokes now?   How long before the bros make the connection? How long before they make the correction? Malevolent magician: Captures a bluebird, And turns it into a turkey.   Your one foot vertical, How did you get so high? Once one has flown so lofty, There’s no place to go but down: ...

  Illuminated   When the chemtrails are falling And some stranger comes calling, And your phone reception goes spotty… And the All-Seeing Eye Keeps on passing by, Somebody has the idea you’ve been naughty. And it’s become clear That Templars have been here, Oh no, you’ve been spotted by the Illuminati!   It’s an information beam, Or a Freemason scheme, Or someone equally as dotty. It’s an overlording theme, The secret regime, The covert Illuminatti!   Has your social media Gotten harder to readia, Does it seem like it’s very botty? Has all of your online Turned into all downtime, Have the communications gone knotty? Is there a new signal stream? Are things even stranger than they seem? Are there messages in the manicotti? It’s not imagination, They have your registration! Looks like you’re targeted by the Illuminati!   There’s a space laser beam, There’s always a scheme, Don’t worry that the log...

  Hurrican’t Me!   I was in deep shit When the space laser hit, Operated by a weatherman. When the hurricane came, I thought it would be tame, But now I’m hanging on by a tether man. FEMA showed up, To do the cleanup, And preachin’ that DT Syndrome, So I chased ‘em off, My brain ain’t soft, And the bastards ain’t takin’ my home.   It’s a FEMA crap show, Take that money and go, So I can blame my poverty on them! It’s the liberal plan To make me less than a man! That’s my excuse for causing more mayhem.   I called up the TV, And you can believe me, Told them not to show up around my town. I made it real clear, They should not come near, Cuz I am ‘bout ready for a showdown. And I sent a email, They should all be jailed, For trying to push that crap climate change. Don’t they hear Margie Greene? Why don’t they come clean? I am tired of this Donald Trump derange!   It’s a liberal shitshow, And th...

  The Real Fake News: Ninth Yard   Mike Lindell, the pillow guy, claimed he would try to infiltrate the 2024 Democratic Convention by shaving his moustache to disguise himself. So far, no Mike Pillow sightings are reported. In unrelated news, an unattached moustache has been seen in downtown Chicago spelling out “Libtard!” and threatening passersby with a straight razor.   Donald Trump, in an effort to sink the Democratic ticket, is threatening to begin endorsing Harris/Walz. It is said that upon hearing the news, Jamie Raskin did a spit take, while Lindsey Graham had to ask for a second box of Kleenex.   Having found themselves out of the news cycle for nearly a week, Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene have scheduled a bare-knuckle bout. The event is to take place near the swing set during recess.   Catturd™ is reported to have recently realized that he has named himself after feces and is investigating rebranding. Purportedly he is consi...

  The “W” Word   Hey weirdo, where the hell’s your shaman hat? Here in the GOP, weird is where it’s at! Get yerself an ear diaper, and a gold shoe or two, Got yer talking Trump doll and yer lower back tattoo?   How about investing in a two-dollar bill? Only 19.95 but you can’t spend that swill. Make yerself a new flag to pledge allegiance to, And wear a Trump diaper, like they told you to .   And do you have twenty Trump signs out on your lawn? You only have 18? What is going on? And paint your truck all up with his holy name, And buy every goddam NFT until you go insane.   And call everyone without a Trump tattoo a damn pedophile, And watch your pastor in jail for sex abuse all the while. And run away from windmills – there ain’t no cancer cure! And end your prayers in Hannibal’s name, you know, to be sure.   Don’t you never get in no boat that has a battery, Yer guaranteed to meet that shark when you’re lost a...

  Them Old Red Blues   You made the Secret Servers stop, To get the secret photo op. You made your injury unclear, Wearing a diaper on your ear.   You got them Old Red Blues, Look at Kamala light the fuse! Looks like it’s time to pay your dues, Look out boy, it’s time to lose.   For VP you picked JD Vance, Another super shady man. Then Good Ol’ Joe gives up his chair, Hear you cryin’ “It isn’t fair!”   You got them Old Red Blues, Dark Brandon gave you a bruise! You bought into the easy ruse, Look out boy it’s time to lose.   What is the platform, what will you do? Your only platform is in your shoes. Can you say anything but bitchin? If the heat’s too high, get out the kitchen!   You got them Old Red Blues, Look at Kamala light the fuse! Looks like it’s time to pay your dues, Look out boy, it’s time to lose.   Cliff Lake 7/25/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  Crisis For Sale   Crisis for sale! Get it while it’s hot! It’s monumental scale! And even if it’s not, We’re working for scale, We gotta take this shot. Yesterday is so stale, So have some brain rot – Crisis for sale!   Crisis for sale! It’s brand new today! Check your email, Open and pray! They’re hot on the trail, Of the new cliché, And lurid detail, And the opinion ballet – Crisis for sale!   We know what the facts are, We’ll use one or two. To make it more bizarre, To entertain you. You see from afar, You see how we do, You got what you came for, Your subscription is due.   Crisis for sale! We’re going all in! No time to exhale, It’s gotten too grim! It’s a full-on gale, The shock is buit-in. Hear this twisted tale, And then hear the spin. Crisis for sale!   Cliff Lake 7/12/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  Mr. Greene   Mr. Greene, that MAGA machine, Came to committee with a dream, And to express her frothing frustration. Mr. Greene with a scream, released all her steam Demanding redress of a situation. You see this doctor cared about international welfare, He wasn’t looking at no bottom line. But Mr. Greene, she feels this is obscene, She has the corporate interests to mind. So Mr. Greene caused another scene, Refusing to acknowledge degree. Then Mr. Greene, so off her bean, Made demands of her entire committee. Poor Mr. Greene, I think you need a health screen, Your brain seems somewhat overripe. Mr. Marjorie Greene, is it too much caffeine, Maybe you banged your head on that pipe. I think Mr. Greene, you never grew past fifteen, Acting like a spoiled child. Maybe Mr. Greene, this is just a smokescreen, So you aren’t busted for going hog wild. Mr. Marjorie Greene, has no mind left it seems, MAGA mismanaged ‘til the end. O Mr. ...

  Rubber Chicken Blues   Well, it was off to the LNC, take those kids to school, Gonna talk them Libbatarrymens into your pricktater rule, Looks like they think you are just a big tool, You ended up exposing yourself as a really big fool.   No MAGA stuffing, out there on your own. How did it feel to be up there alone? You kinda just wrote your own tombstone, Maybe the next one you will postpone.   You couldn’t be heard above the boos, They ain’t no MAGA, they can’t be schmoozed. How you gonna heal that ego bruise? You got those Libertarian rubber chicken blues.   You stopped with a crash on the campaign trail. Thirty minutes in you had to bail. Showing the world that you’re sure to fail. What will this do to an ego so frail?   You really bombed there, what’s the excuse? Your own fault you didn’t pick up on the cues. You could go back, but what’s the use? Always got those Libertarian rubber chicken blues. ...

  Congratulations, Hannibal Lecter!   Congratulations, Dr. Lecter, We wish you all the best. You truly are the best selecter, To choose a dinner guest.   And what about the mighty Sauron? His praises we will sing! Even though less water trickles, To make his bathtub Ring.   Let’s not forget dead Cthulhu, He’s dead and dreaming still. Probably he died of cancer, From dangerous windmills.   We must honor Dracula, With great impunity! Being that he’s dead already, He’s got immunity!   And don’t we just love Pennywise? One of Maine’s greatest prides. He can help us to surmise, There’s good people on both sides.   Yes, let us celebrate these mighty ones, And how strong they make us look! We take pride they’re on our side… Whadda ya mean they’re just from books?   Cliff Lake 5/14/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  Conspire Required   No one really knows just how I feel inside. Half my information is twisted and cockeyed. My psyche evaluation I think I can confide: Tried to feed my brain worm but it’s gone and died.   I’m feeling so much better since I quit sniffing glue. I’m feeling so much smarter since I joined the queue. I feel my understanding has now really grew, After I quit bothering to think things through and through.   What I really need is conspiracy! I’ll never know that ignorance is feeding me. Can’t understand what you say to me, Government control and my gun makes three, What we need in here is conspiracy.   If I don’t understand it, then there is some big plan, By the men in black; it’s so goddam underhand. Which new products should be secretly banned, And do I still need to keep my testicles tanned?   So much information that I need to ignore, So many covert pamphlets in my underwear drawer. Am I th...

  This House is a Mess   Hey there House MAGA, Are you feelin’ far-right? Why do your enemies, Nazi the light?   We know you’re just proud, boys, Fighting the good fight, Aryan’t you just trying, To keep America white?   Hey they there House MAGA, Why are you Russian around? Don’t let these Dems keep, Putin you down.   Why K, K, Kant They leave you in peace? Don’t know why they think, They’re the Fascism police…   So proud you’re able to Keep your Patriot Front. Even if you have to Follow some miserable… person.   Seems like so many, Want to replace you, So, my House MAGA, What Klan you do?   What Klan you do? Can’t fly the coup, Woke just won’t do, What Klan you do?   Cliff Lake 4/24/2024 Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

  The Three Toe Stumble   Here comes Marge, motion in hand, No real support, but she will grandstand. They once followed but now they bail, Poor widdle Marjorie, doomed to fail.   Hear her yellin’ about space lasers, She ain’t satisfied with Texas razors. She hates it when you’re behind Ukraine, She won’t be happy until nuclear rain.   Marjorie, Marjorie, talk that jumble! Marjorie, don’t you see, you should be humble! Marjorie, all your plans do crumble, You’re tryin’ to dance, but you Three-Toe Stumble!   Now which amendment do we throw out? The ones you want just make me doubt, That you have any clue what you talk about, And face it Marge, you got no clout.   Marjorie will bitch, whine, and scream, Cuz she can’t further Putin’s scheme. She says Johnson’s on the street, Marjorie, just accept defeat!   Marjorie, Marjorie, talk that jumble! Marjorie, don’t you see, you should be humble! Marjorie...

  Advisements for the Guiltless   Hey there, Grumpy Gus, Got your best same suit on? Got your frown on your face? Well then, you’re ready…   Make a statement on the courthouse steps, Be sure to sneer When mispronouncing the judges’ name. Defame the jury anonymously, That way the charges can’t stick. Do you have any pictures Of the prosecutors relatives? Hand those out freely As proof of your goodwill. Make certain to deride the proceedings, No more viable demonstration of virtue Is there than insult, Everyone knows that. Your fervid proclamations of innocence, Will surely be bolstered, By threats and intimidation, So, you must bluster angrily, And scowl fiercely. And let us not forget the efficacy Of endless complaint, Grousing, grumbling, and griping, Are most welcome in the courts, Making you appear strong, invincible. Remember, it’s the dog that whines, That gets fed best. So, whine like a dog, dawg. Fin...

  BAG O’ FACTS   Hello friends, are you or is someone close to you Mike Lindell? Are you having trouble assembling facts to fit your narrative? Have you promised everyone you know that you have evidence that you just can’t produce? Have you lost everything because you have no intel? Well, today is YOUR LUCKY DAY! Introducing MIKE LINDELL’S BAG O’ FACTS!! That’s right! Now you, yes you Mike Lindell, can have an entire BAG O’ FACTS of your very own to hawk on your own media site! Isn’t that exciting? IT SURE IS!! With just one BAG O’ FACTS you can freely disperse truth bombs for DAYS IN A ROW!! What’s in it for you, you ask? JUST COMPLETE VINDICATION!! How’s that sound Mike Lindell? But wait! THERE’S MORE!! With your BAG O’ FACTS you can literally go to any federal court and WIN A CASE!! THAT’S RIGHT! YOU CAN WIN A CASE MIKE LINDELL!!! How does that sound? And with every case won, you can fade into obscurity or even START SELLING PILLOWS AT WALMART AGAIN!! NOW how do you f...