Return of the Son of the Bride of THE REAL FAKE NEWS (Extended Edition)

By Cliff Lake

 

Return of the Son of the Bride of THE REAL FAKE NEWS (Extended Edition)

 

Federal workers are demanding access to SNAP and EBT as part of their severance packages following upcoming government layoffs. Ambulances rushed to the Eisenhower building after Elon Musk heard of the demands and passed out from “an extreme attack of the giggles.” He was revived with a large dose of molly.

 

Burger King has denounced Trump’s first week in office. A spokesman for BK angrily asked, “Does he have a crown? Does he have a crown like this?” rapidly unfolding a copy of the familiar headgear.

 

The Secret Service is reportedly on high alert for “Well-dressed militia” after Trump’s Executive Order banning transgender military personnel.

 

After a blessing of Washington DC by Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde, Robert Kennedy Jr. complained of a “brain rash” and asked for an exorcism, while First Lady Melania said that her husbands own rash remain unchanged and “is looking same as last ten years.” Trump himself claims she hasn’t actually seen it for five.

 

Seaker Mike Johnson after being “filled with the Holy Spirit” spent ten minutes in a Capitol Hill Men’s room where he is said to have relieved himself of “blessed ectoplasm.” Reportedly he sent a picture of the result to his son, per their agreement.

 

Shortly thereafter Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert complained of the presence of men in the Capitol Building’s men’s rooms and is demanding an explanation and formal inquiry. “The American people shouldn’t have to see things like this!” she exclaimed. Security in the Capitol had to bar her from attempting to enter a men’s room “to assess the situation.” “I just wanted to get some pictures,” said the Congresswoman. At the same time Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene was seen loitering nearby, pointedly staring at the ceiling, and loudly saying “CAW-CAW, CAW-CAW!” to no one in particular. At the present time no regulations prevent men from using men’s facilities on Federal grounds.

 

President Trump, after discovering that the President of the United States is being paid $400K annually for “doing nothing but signing documents and golfing” has signed an executive order dissolving the presidency “Effective immediately.” The former president could be seen shoving papers into a pillowcase once he had been assured that he will receive the 25 billion dollar severance package he’d asked for.

 

Cliff Lake 1/29/2025

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2025

Location: Washington, DC, USA

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