The Real Fake News - Amended Edition

By Cliff Lake

 

The Real Fake News – Amended Edition

 

Donald Trump today filed a suit against fast food giant McDonald’s for 30 billion dollars over their naming of the Big Mac, his favorite sandwich from the franchise. Said the president, “Just because a burger has some height, that doesn’t make it big, or large, or oversized, and eating one or ten shouldn’t mean anyone doing that is large or dumpy, I call it dumpy, it’s dumpy, but I’m not, and that’s what the left would say, does say, they said dumpy and that’s not what we’re going to stand for. So, McDonald’s needs to stop being leftist.” McDonalds purportedly has offered to settle for a smaller sum and a large fry.

 

The President of the United States today asked Congress to “turn off any microphone with a Democrat sitting at it.” Claiming that Democrats “have nothing to say that patriotic Americans need to hear, want to hear, because it’s all against Trump”. The president also has asked the Supreme Court to “sue House Democrats for 50 trillion dollars, they said some bad things, some violent things, and bad, violently bad, and very violent, and maybe we’ll do the Senate too, we’re talking very strongly about that.” Democrats have said they will respond by wearing headsets and “learning some sick dance moves.”

 

Donald John Trump today was said to be inquiring into deporting Chicago. According to an anonymous source, “The president doesn’t like being told no so he feels that getting rid of the whole city will solve at least one problem.” Once the city has been relocated, the land will be used as a practice ground for night-hunting liberals.

 

The White House has announced that Democrats will not be allowed to use the ballroom currently under construction, stating, “There will be no Democratic parties.”

 

The White House today also announced, “The IRS will begin taxing free speech beginning immediately. All free speech will be taxed on a sliding scale that is configured in a horizontal modeling structure that will determine the percentage of taxable speech based on income of the speaker. The percentage begins at 100% and lowers to 0 as one proceeds rightward on the scale.”

 

President Trump today filed a 60 millionty-trillion suit today against the U.S.S. Constitution for being named after something he wishes would go away. Said the president, “It’s an old ship, not my taste in ships, bulges at the waterline, no one wants to see that.” Trump is planning to replace the warship with a party boat found abandoned at Lake of the Ozarks.

 

Donald Trump today signed an executive order today that will rename the First Amendment to “That Fucking First Amendment.” The burning of the original document is scheduled for next week.

 

ICE today announced that NBC broadcasting will be detained prior to deportation if “Fallon and Myers don’t learn to shut the fuck up.” Plans for their replacements are said to include Lauren Boebert movie house performances, as well a tutorial series of basic racial epithets to use in everyday conversation.

 

Ted Cruz today was questioned concerning his citizenship by Marjorie Taylor Greene who asked, “How can he have been Canadian with a Mexican last name?” ABC has disavowed ever knowing who he was. The FBI is currently being trained to remove all records of everything Cruz has ever said.

 

Donald John Trump sued the internet today for 90 gazillion dollars for letting me post this.

 

Cliff Lake 9/19/2025

Copyright © Clifford Lake

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