The Real Fake News – Midnight Madness Malfunction
The Real Fake
News – Midnight Madness Malfunction
The Kash Patel Lookalike Contest set for the beginning of
next month so far has three entries: a bucket of KFC left on someone’s porch
for a week, a shopping bag found blowing down the street, and a wet rock with
googly eyes glued on it. The only human withdrew because in his words, “Sure I
look like him, but I couldn’t get the idiocy and self-absorption just right.”
During a recent interview, Donald Trump spoke with rare
candidness about his health. Pointing to the back of his hand he said, “This
only happened after I took over from Joe Biden.” Absently rubbing his neck he
claimed,” Anyone can see I inherited a real mess.”
Kristi Noem, former DHS screwup and current Shieldmaiden of
the Americas, was seen berating Corey Lewandowski in a restaurant parking lot for
not growing his hair longer and learning to speak Elvish.
Pete Hegseth announced an event to be held at Madison Square
Garden next weekend where he plans to stab himself in the head with a railroad
spike “Just because I’m that tough!” Tickets are purportedly going for as high
as three dollars with sales expected to exceed at least seven people.
The Melania Trump documentary, “Melania: Twenty Days to
Victory” debuted on Amazon Prime on March 9. Plans are in the works for the
film to soon be released on Betamax.
Karoline Leavitt told reporters at a press conference yesterday
that the rash seen on Donald Trump’s neck was the result of golfing so vigorously
his shirt collar rubbed his neck too hard.
Also, Karoline Leavitt appears to have completely recovered
from her 3rd surgery to repair a forked tongue. “I don’t know why this keeps
happening.” she said as stitches were viewed snapping off like rubber bands.
Marco Rubio was photographed earlier this week as he was seen
at a Dick’s Sporting Goods shopping for oars for his shoes.
The National Prayer Breakfast held at the White House last
month was also attended by a D. C. fire battalion as several attendees pants kept
catching on fire.
At a press conference this morning Press Secretary Karoline
Leavitt told reporters that the bruise on the back of Donald Trump’s hand is
the result of vigorously shaking his fist at an autopen.
Pam Bondi today claimed the she has “completed filing the
Epstein case, so that’s over with.”
ICE agents are quietly seeking work as bouncers at strip
clubs, raves, or as mall cops. An anonymous spokesman said, “Our record speaks
for itself.” As of this date no offers have
been made.
Greenland is said to be planning to erect a large sign
reading, “Not Greenland” “Just in case.” Said current Greenland Premier, Jens-Frederik
Nielsen, “Should work.”
However, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth says it won’t work
because “We already know where it is.” as he pointed to the dot over the “i” in
Jeremy Bearimy.
And that’s the Real Fake News folks, take it sleazy.
Cliff Lake 3/14/2026
Copyright © Clifford Lake 2026
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