The Real Fake News Fortnite Edition

By Cliff Lake

 

The Real Fake News Fortnite Edition

 

Noting some rust on a personal vehicle, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has begun what he calls “a war on oxidation” in which he is calling for “excess oxygen removed from air and water which will also help prevent drowning in certain cases.”

 

RFK Jr. is also pressuring the FDA to investigate milk because of “invasive chemicals such as calcium and also vitamin D which seems to be causing a higher incidence of unwed mothers.”

 

President Trump today cancelled a dentist appointment as he “has many activities and golf tees to attend.”

 

Lauren Boebert cancelled her attendance at a local Colorado children’s event where her son Tyler was to be Master of Ceremonies claiming, “He won’t be Master of anything; this family has had enough trouble with that sort of thing in public.”

 

Speaker of the House Mike Johnson was asked directly if Donald Trump was the Messiah returned. “I have no proof of that either way”, said the Speaker, “But that doesn’t rule out President Trump being Santa Claus or one of the other apostles.”

 

President Trump has cancelled a planned rally at a roadside bar in Arkansas later this week claiming, “too many things on my plate at this time and I don’t want the fries to get cold.” Instead, work is being done to hang a picture of the president in front of the TV and allow the mouth to move while a pre-recorded message from the Oval Office plays. Said Trump, “It will be just like Clutch Cargo. Clutch Cargo. Remember that show? Fantastic! It’s never been done before, and so beautifully.”

 

Secretary of State Marco Rubio says he backs President Trump completely on Iran as the president is “still the fastest gun in the White House and may also have a knife, so…”

 

The White House said today that President Trump will not be attending his next cognitive examination as he intends to remain at the executive offices “in the prevention of autopens and other Bidenisms.” It is rumored that the president intends instead to send House Representative James Comer in his place, replacing son Eric who is said to still be lost in a large paper bag.

 

Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt released a statement saying that upon her return she will no longer wear pants to briefings “as I have found them to be highly flammable and that’s not good for newborns.”


Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth today stated, “I am very concerned an end to the war in Iran may save taxpayers money and allow people to get healthcare like vultures.”

 

Finally, President Trump issued a statement on the war in Iran saying, “In honor of our great and largely complete and beautiful Iran victory, I will be inviting the very terrific and patriotic New York Giants football team to the White House for a TACO dinner possibly as soon as two weeks.”  

 

Cliff Lake 5/25/2026

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2026

Location: Washington, DC, USA

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