The Real Fake News: The Magnificent Seventh

By Cliff Lake

 

The Real Fake News: The Magnificent Seventh

 

James Comer is reportedly issuing a subpoena for Hunter Biden to appear before the Committee on Oversite and Accountability to inquire if Biden knows anything about his missing keys. “I had them yesterday” said the committee chair, “These Bidens are into everything!” he exclaimed. Comer then added, “Also I think he knows where I parked and that’s information we need!”

 

In related news, House of Representatives Mike Johnson has reportedly suggested to Comer to “Try snake handling. If he’s innocent, he won’t get bit. That’s what I tell the kids.” They then made plans to exchange wives, “in committee, appropriately.”

 

Johnson has also indicated a desire to form a committee to investigate the Book of Revelations in the Christian Bible to “Figure out what in tarnation we’re doing wrong. Why isn’t it Armageddon already? Besides, we’re not sure which beast we are any more either.”

 

Marjorie Taylor Greene is launching an investigation into Chips Ahoy claiming they are being racist because “They don’t have a white chocolate variety! That’s the Great Replacement!” When informed that there are said varieties, baked with regular milk chocolate chips, she demanded to know “where the constitution guarantees integrated cookies!”

 

Matt Gaetz wants to look into pants on women he claims. “How is this legal? I abhor the sight of pants on women! They should be removed immediately!” he said, readying a camera phone.

 

The education hate group, Moms for Liberty wants to remove the word “book” from the dictionary. A spokeswoman for the wine club gone wrong said, “No one should be forced to read a book, or even the word ‘book’ so we want it banned.” Reporters declined to remind her that a dictionary is a book so that her head wouldn’t collapse in on itself.

 

There was a momentary panic at DeSantis’ campaign headquarters today when the key that winds him up was misplaced for about an hour. Screams inside the offices were explained by an unnamed witness who said, “He won’t stop that lip-licking thing and it keeps getting slower and slower and slower…”

 

And finally, Donald John Trump said today that because some people seemed to vote for him in the last election, “I won the election too. We had a great election that I won, but by less votes even though I got more votes, but they weren’t counted, and I won too just the same as Biden so I’m co-president which is a very real thing and legally binding and I’m still president that way so I have immunity and now they have to let me go peacefully and without a witch hunt that is totally true.”

 

Cliff Lake 12/15/2023

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2023

Location: Washington, DC, USA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One Thousand Horsemen

By Cliff Lake
  One Thousand Horsemen   The call of an ally, A friend of old: “We ask your aid! Will you be bold?”   “Ancient terrors, Assail once more! Will you honor The oaths we swore?”   One thousand horsemen answer the call,   One thousand horsemen riding tall. One thousand horsemen, they prepare. One thousand horsemen, forth they fare.   “We have no word, Are we not heard? Are we forgot? Do you come not?”   “The terror hails, Our people quail! We are beset, Will you come yet?”   One thousand horsemen upon the hill, One thousand horsemen, duty they fill. One thousand horsemen make the climb. One thousand horsemen, are they in time?   “What do we hear? Is succor near? Have you arrived? Will we survive?”   “Hail faithful friend! Fear not an end! Our hope has come, Sound the war drum!”   One thousand horsemen, banners raised! One thousand horsemen, unafraid! ...
Read more

The Edge

By Cliff Lake
  The Edge   Out on the edge… This is where we exist, A precipice, A future unseen and unknowable, An edge we constantly walk. Here on the edge, We step forward blindly, Though we tell ourselves That we have planned well, But the future, Has no regard, For the mere mortal. Walking the edge, We may not see, What falls lie before us, What chasms may claim us, Nor how deeply they lurk. But know this: We have the strength, To climb out of darkness, If we but dare the edge again. Fear not brother! You are your own savior, If you but make the merest try. Do not despair sister! The unlooked-for hand, Will reach for you yet! Remember: From the bottom, The only way is up. Forward is the only motion, Time is allowed, In this frame we inhabit. It is the step to the side, That carries you down, Out here on the edge…   Straight ahead then - The path is before you.   Cliff Lake 2/24/2024 Copyrigh...
Read more

Used Up 'n Dried Up

By Cliff Lake
  Used Up ‘n Dried Up   You scurried away from your ancestral home, Let’s face it boy, you’re out there on loan. Your markers cashed in, no more favors to call, Winds of change blowing cold, house of cards to fall. Livin’ in a hotel, bumming dollars from the poor, Sellin’ your Chinese trinkets, maybe try it door to door. Your hands in everyone’s pockets, no more spare change for you, Keep on beggin’ at the dockets, that is what’s left to do.   “You’re on your own, kid.” That’s what they said. “You’re used up ‘n dried up; you’re bled.” “You’re out on the street, you’ve used up your cred.” “You’re on your own, kid.” That’s what I said.   Oh, how you fell hard for that dictator, A long-time, well-known master baiter. He always had you pegged as some petty clown, Just look at how he has jerked you around.   “You’re on your own, kid.” That’s what he said. “You’re used up ‘n dried up; you’re bled.” “Look at this crooked path t...
Read more