The Real Fake News Eight-Ball

By Cliff Lake

 

The Real Fake News Eight-Ball

 

Greg Pence, a Republican Congressman and unacknowledged brother of former VP Mike Pence has announced he will not seek reelection, saying, “I found out that my brother was planning on hanging around on January 6 and that didn’t sit well.” Following the announcement, Speaker Mike Johnson was presented with a replacement hammer from an old Playskool My First Toolbox set.

 

Lauren Boebert was “advised” by D.C. police today to stop punching herself in the face following an altercation with a hot cup of coffee she spilled on herself. She was seen later in the day swatting at a “Don’t Walk” sign and screaming and swearing in Coloradan.

 

Also, Boebert told reporters that she is planning on running for a House seat in “Iwo Jima because that flagpole could use a dancer.” When informed Iwo Jima is in Japan, she replied that she didn’t mind a commute.

 

The so-called Freedom Caucus of the House GOP are planning on voting down a bill that would give them a 3.2% pay raise this year “Because Joe Biden.” Other bills they plan to vote down: any.

 

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis had to delay a rally today after leaving his weird smile in his other pants pocket.

 

Nikki Haley today put out a statement declaring that all questions asked of her now be prefaced with an apology begging her forgiveness for daring to believe she might not know things. She then formally pardoned herself for being a closet racist.

 

And finally, after today’s Appeals Court hearing, Donald John Trump has announced that he is recusing himself from all of his court cases on the basis of: “Look, I’m the president and I’m running for president and I'm allowed to do that, recuse myself, they call it recuse and that's what I'm doing because they're my court cases and I'm allowed to recuse, and we all remember what happened in Salem Massachusetts to those women and they were beautiful women, so beautiful and that should never have happened, you know that, and they were so beautiful and they were innocent just like I am innocent of anything, and that’s just a witch hunt, many legal, and they are very legal, so legal, experts are saying, and have been saying for so long. And maybe you don’t remember, but I remember and you remember but maybe you don’t, but you remember, that I got COVID and I got through that in seconds, they wanna say days, but it was over SO quickly, seconds I think, they say it was seconds, and it was, and I was over it so now I’m immune and there’s nothing anyone can do, not even Joe Biden, Crooked Joe they call him, that’s what I call him because of all the China money and the virus which I beat and you all know that and it means I have FULL IMMUNIZATION. And any way I’m recused and that’s the end of it.” Trump then pardoned his golf score from Sunday.

 

Cliff Lake 1/9/2024

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2024

Location: Washington, DC, USA

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