The Real Fake News: 6th Rise

By Cliff Lake

The Real Fake News: 6th Rise

 

In a surprise move, James Comer has issued a mandate instructing Hunter Biden to, “Do something illegal before Christmas or I’ll keep holding these press conferences.” then gave himself a high five and hailed a passing clown car.

 Lauren Boebert has introduced “Artikles of Explosion” against President Biden. “We’re gonna do the same thing to him that he did to George Santa Claus!” she yelled from the barstool she was sliding off. The three-napkin document is currently draped across a radiator near her Congressional offices drying out.

 George Santos has been blocked from entering Congress for the fifth time just in the last hour. An anonymous spokesperson for Capitol security was quoted, “Who has this many fake ID’s? Or wigs?” In related news, several D.C. radio stations have reported a person identifying themselves as “Not George Santos or a relation.” as having called their stations offering in-depth analysis of Santos “criminal expulsion” and donuts.

 Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville isn’t just blocking military promotions but is reportedly also attempting to block Popeye’s Chicken in favor of Chick-fil-A, blocking a local play, blocking traffic, and blocking his arteries. When asked why the additional activities have been added he stated, “My position is on record and please remain in this doorway for the foreseeable future.”

 Kevin McCarthy is offering to, “Fill in for ex-Representative Santos for the time being. I’d like to do something useful for once and then lose this position too.”

 Marjorie Taylor Greene has released a statement about Santos’ expulsion calling it, “A tapestry of justice against the American people. If any American isn’t allowed to steal, or lie, or break any laws with impunity, then we have ceased to be a nation of law and order.”

 Donald John Trump is still claiming he has presidential immunity saying, “I have immunity. I never got chicken pox or measles, or even a cold and the only reason I ever got COVID was to show how strong I am, and I didn’t even have to drink my own urine to do it from the finest crystal with a wedge of lime because fruit is healthy.”

 House Speaker Mike Johnson, wearing the “traditional white hood of my faith” held a meeting to inquire about an inquiry into impeaching President Joe Biden. Said the Speaker, “I think it’s important to ask questions about questions as the answers received may not be the answers wanted so we have to find out where we are in the questions process and I think we’ll have an answer soon, no question.”

 And finally, a small single-engine aircraft was escorted away by a pair of U.S. Air Force F-16 fighter jets after attempting to land on Matt Gaetz forehead. Said the pilot, who name was withheld, “I got confused when he walked under a streetlamp. The reflection looked like landing lights.” He and one Air Force pilot are currently being treated for partial blindness due to overexposure to the reflection. Gaetz is still at large.

 

Cliff Lake 12/2/2023

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2023


Location: Washington, DC, USA

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