A Fifth of The Real Fake News

By Cliff Lake

A Fifth of The Real Fake News

 

George Santos held a press conference claiming that, “They can’t expel me from Congress because I’m invisible.” When pointed out that he was clearly being seen by the four people attending he screamed and climbed into a nearby dumpster where he could be heard starting his podcast.

 

Lauren Boebert is planning on, “Investigating the facts surrounding Hunter Biden and Soros putting 5G in the water supply in my district.” She then put out a cigarette on her arm to show she was serious before stripping down to a G-string to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Freebird” and asking for “Tips for my dance.”

 

Donald John Trump today found a corroded lamp on the beach and when he rubbed it, Lindsey Graham popped out and asked him not to stop. Said Graham, “This is a clear path to reinstatement.” before Trump dropped the broken light back on the sand.

 

“Democrats are conspiring with space Antifa and the leftist mole people” said Jacob Chansley, AKA the QAnon Shaman at a presser announcing his bid to go to Congress. “Also, they have signed contracts with a new gay Tony the Tiger and are connected to a Soros plan to let Canada invade via maple syrup trucks.” said Chansley as he buttered his shoes.

 

Marjorie Taylor Greene has announced an initiative to deliver “All the dirty oil and natural gas to choke out a rainforest.” via a plan she calls “Going Greene”. Said the Georgia representative, “Under my plan costs will be vastly reduced because believe me, I have all the pipes we’re ever going to need.”

 

An anonymous MAGA supporter was interviewed following Trump’s Iowa rally saying: “Yeah, it was all the big hits and stuff but there’s been nothing new since his last album dropped. Sad.”

 

A spokesman for Citizens United explained that donations are dropping off lately because “All our donors are hanging onto their funds because we keep lying about how shitty the economy is. Didn’t see THAT coming, heh, heh.” He added, “And they want to crime too. That's how you get to be an untouchable billionaire. Everyone knows that.”

 

A source within Elon Musk’s teetering “X” social media platform has reported that Musk believes the company can be saved with a new motto. Under purported consideration are: “All the news that’s a misprint.”  “We don’t need no advertisers; we don’t need no bot control.”  “Less is more, more or less, we’re just here to oppress.” And the most likely: “Have foot, will shoot.”

And lastly, James Comer was hospitalized yesterday with his foot deeply embedded in his throat. Said a spokesman for the hospital, “When the patient arrived, the foot and leg were blocking oxygen to the brain, so there was little risk of permanent damage.” Comer was not available for comment, being deeply involved in a heated conversation on a Fischer-Price telephone and repeatedly tripping over untied shoelaces.

 

Cliff Lake 11/19/2023

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2023


Location: Washington, DC, USA

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