A Fifth of The Real Fake News
A Fifth
of The Real Fake News
George Santos held a press conference claiming that, “They
can’t expel me from Congress because I’m invisible.” When pointed out that he
was clearly being seen by the four people attending he screamed and climbed
into a nearby dumpster where he could be heard starting his podcast.
Lauren Boebert is planning on, “Investigating the facts
surrounding Hunter Biden and Soros putting 5G in the water supply in my
district.” She then put out a cigarette on her arm to show she was serious
before stripping down to a G-string to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Freebird” and asking
for “Tips for my dance.”
Donald John Trump today found a corroded lamp on the beach
and when he rubbed it, Lindsey Graham popped out and asked him not to stop.
Said Graham, “This is a clear path to reinstatement.” before Trump dropped the
broken light back on the sand.
“Democrats are conspiring with space Antifa and the leftist
mole people” said Jacob Chansley, AKA the QAnon Shaman at a presser announcing
his bid to go to Congress. “Also, they have signed contracts with a new gay
Tony the Tiger and are connected to a Soros plan to let Canada invade via maple
syrup trucks.” said Chansley as he buttered his shoes.
Marjorie Taylor Greene has announced an initiative to
deliver “All the dirty oil and natural gas to choke out a rainforest.” via a
plan she calls “Going Greene”. Said the Georgia representative, “Under my plan
costs will be vastly reduced because believe me, I have all the pipes we’re
ever going to need.”
An anonymous MAGA supporter was interviewed following Trump’s
Iowa rally saying: “Yeah, it was all the big hits and stuff but there’s been nothing
new since his last album dropped. Sad.”
A spokesman for Citizens United explained that donations are
dropping off lately because “All our donors are hanging onto their funds
because we keep lying about how shitty the economy is. Didn’t see THAT coming,
heh, heh.” He added, “And they want to crime too. That's how you get to be an
untouchable billionaire. Everyone knows that.”
A source within Elon Musk’s teetering “X” social media
platform has reported that Musk believes the company can be saved with a new motto.
Under purported consideration are: “All the news that’s a misprint.” “We don’t need no advertisers; we don’t need
no bot control.” “Less is more, more or
less, we’re just here to oppress.” And the most likely: “Have foot, will shoot.”
And lastly, James Comer was hospitalized yesterday with his
foot deeply embedded in his throat. Said a spokesman for the hospital, “When
the patient arrived, the foot and leg were blocking oxygen to the brain, so
there was little risk of permanent damage.” Comer was not available for comment,
being deeply involved in a heated conversation on a Fischer-Price telephone and
repeatedly tripping over untied shoelaces.
Cliff Lake 11/19/2023
Copyright © Clifford Lake 2023
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