The Real Fake News

 

The Real Fake News

 

BREAKING: Scientists stunned to find limited brain activity in Trump supporter. "He can recognize some colors such as red and white, but can't tell the difference between black and brown," said a spokesman, “He doesn't seem able to count past 45. And he won't read the Bible he insisted on having."

 

BREAKING: House Rep Greene today called for censuring Hunter Biden, saying, "His first name is ROBERT, not Hunter, so we're looking at new charges or getting him kicked off social media or not allowed in grocery stores or something just as petty." Said Greene before giving Boebert the finger.

 

Rep. Greene is asking into invading Canada to "Take their free medical and do something useful with it like live forever or something like that." Greene has shared the idea with Michael Flynn and the two are finalizing plans to "Invade Massachusetts first and see how it goes."

 

Bolstered by the fake cake SCOTUS win, House GOP are considering other bogus cases. Said Rep. Boebert, "We have a plan to find a laptop and put a bunch of pictures and gmails on it and talk about Utrain and pedo and other grooming and blame it all on Hunter and... huh? We did?"

 

Missouri legislators have just learned there are registered women voters. "Do their husbands know about this", asked one, "And if they aren't married, are they getting pregnant on their own and then voting?" A new law proposed won't allow them to have vaginas outside of the home.

 

TX Gov. Abbot is proposing a law that "will put a gun in every child's backpack." The law would require every child to have two hours of gun safety class and will provide transportation to target ranges. Parents are encouraged to join their children in decorating their weapons.

 

A proposed new Florida law will ban everyone from reading anything at all. "My own children were caught reading" said Gov. DeSantis, "And they were learning at an incredible rate and that's just not the kind of freedom Florida stands for." DeSantis then threw a book 4 full inches.

 

Justice Roberts today preemptively denied "Allegations. Whatever is being alleged, it's not true." Roberts also stated, "The Court will no longer answer questions unless it's related to lunch orders or what time it is." Roberts then denied owning a watch or being in the room.

 

Evangelicals reportedly approached author Stephen King to write a "new, Trump-based Bible." King reminded them the current Bible "already has an Anti-Christ" at which the clergy declared him a witch and are looking for a suitable spot to erect a stake and "the right judge."

 

DeSantis aides have leaked that Ron is considering declaring himself "The real original Trump" in an attempt to gain followers causing Rep. Greene to immediately begin lifting weights while RFK Jr. issued a statement declaring "True Democrats are behind you, President Trump."

 

Anti-vaxxers fielded a new method for finding vaccination status with a questionnaire asking, "Are you vaxxed?" Results have been mixed as none of the moderators believe anything in writing. A proposed blood test was shot down because "That's science, which is evidence based."

 

Extreme Right House GOP seem to be splitting into two factions: The People's Front of GOP and The GOP People's Front. Persons outside of either group can't tell them apart, but they themselves can by seeing which direction their eyes spin. Both claim to have "Freer Speech."

 

House GOP are investigating the US Constitution saying, "There are 27 Amendments? 10 in the Bill of Rights? Nobody needs more rights than 2." Reps Boebert and Greene each claimed they've taken it to the Supreme Court before getting into a knife fight on the Capitol steps.

 

Cliff Lake 7/5/2023

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2023