The Real Fake News
The Real
Fake News
BREAKING: Scientists stunned to find limited brain activity
in Trump supporter. "He can recognize some colors such as red and white,
but can't tell the difference between black and brown," said a spokesman,
“He doesn't seem able to count past 45. And he won't read the Bible he insisted
on having."
BREAKING: House Rep Greene today called for censuring Hunter
Biden, saying, "His first name is ROBERT, not Hunter, so we're looking at
new charges or getting him kicked off social media or not allowed in grocery
stores or something just as petty." Said Greene before giving Boebert the
finger.
Rep. Greene is asking into invading Canada to "Take
their free medical and do something useful with it like live forever or
something like that." Greene has shared the idea with Michael Flynn and
the two are finalizing plans to "Invade Massachusetts first and see how it
goes."
Bolstered by the fake cake SCOTUS win, House GOP are
considering other bogus cases. Said Rep. Boebert, "We have a plan to find
a laptop and put a bunch of pictures and gmails on it and talk about Utrain and
pedo and other grooming and blame it all on Hunter and... huh? We did?"
Missouri legislators have just learned there are registered
women voters. "Do their husbands know about this", asked one,
"And if they aren't married, are they getting pregnant on their own and
then voting?" A new law proposed won't allow them to have vaginas outside
of the home.
TX Gov. Abbot is proposing a law that "will put a gun
in every child's backpack." The law would require every child to have two
hours of gun safety class and will provide transportation to target ranges.
Parents are encouraged to join their children in decorating their weapons.
A proposed new Florida law will ban everyone from reading
anything at all. "My own children were caught reading" said Gov.
DeSantis, "And they were learning at an incredible rate and that's just
not the kind of freedom Florida stands for." DeSantis then threw a book 4
full inches.
Justice Roberts today preemptively denied "Allegations.
Whatever is being alleged, it's not true." Roberts also stated, "The
Court will no longer answer questions unless it's related to lunch orders or
what time it is." Roberts then denied owning a watch or being in the room.
Evangelicals reportedly approached author Stephen King to
write a "new, Trump-based Bible." King reminded them the current
Bible "already has an Anti-Christ" at which the clergy declared him a
witch and are looking for a suitable spot to erect a stake and "the right
judge."
DeSantis aides have leaked that Ron is considering declaring
himself "The real original Trump" in an attempt to gain followers
causing Rep. Greene to immediately begin lifting weights while RFK Jr. issued a
statement declaring "True Democrats are behind you, President Trump."
Anti-vaxxers fielded a new method for finding vaccination
status with a questionnaire asking, "Are you vaxxed?" Results have
been mixed as none of the moderators believe anything in writing. A proposed
blood test was shot down because "That's science, which is evidence based."
Extreme Right House GOP seem to be splitting into two
factions: The People's Front of GOP and The GOP People's Front. Persons outside
of either group can't tell them apart, but they themselves can by seeing which
direction their eyes spin. Both claim to have "Freer Speech."
House GOP are investigating the US Constitution saying,
"There are 27 Amendments? 10 in the Bill of Rights? Nobody needs more
rights than 2." Reps Boebert and Greene each claimed they've taken it to
the Supreme Court before getting into a knife fight on the Capitol steps.
Cliff Lake 7/5/2023
Copyright © Clifford Lake 2023
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