The Real Fake News Rides Again

By Cliff Lake

 

The Real Fake News Rides Again

 

Putin apologists within the GOP are asking into a purported Russian retirement community being built for disaffected Americans to live in near Moscow. Tucker Carlson is reportedly very interested in a first-floor suite as he says, “It’s just a lot more convenient for carrying groceries and the like and I believe a fall from a window at that level is survivable.”

 

Alina Habba, a lawyer closely tied to Donald Trump, was found in a closet at the site of a tornado that damaged a Pfizer warehouse. A spokesman claimed she’d been there since last week after proposing that the company sue the AMA and WHO “For reasons”. The spokesman continued, “After being asked to leave she tried to exit through the maintenance closet and just stayed there. I think someone was bringing her sandwiches but really, we’re just embarrassed that she was even here to start with.”

 

George Santos today called a “media event” that no one showed up for. He then called in a statement to a local D.C. radio station asking why no one wants his lies any longer. Said Santos, “I mean come on, I’m still good for a laugh, right?"

 

RFK Jr. says he does not regret lying before Congress about his litany of COVID comments. "Everyone gets diarrhea-mouth sometimes, but I get it more often because I am a deeply disturbed person on a medication regimen I designed for myself from articles I found in Cosmopolitan & that kids magazine in the doctor's office. Also, I never said Asian people are from space, but I'm saying it now."

 

Kari Lake is putting together a campaign team in her home state of Arizona for the position of pastry chef at a Pep Boys auto shop in Phoenix. "So far I'm running unopposed, so I think this one's in the bag, and I should be able to balance it and the Governorship okay. I mean, so far governor is the easiest gig I've ever had. I haven't even been asked to sign a bill yet."

 

Lauren Boebert today called a news conference where she murdered a teddy bear with a large kitchen knife while screaming "This is what Democrats want to do to your wives and daughters." When queried afterwards what she meant, she only asked if it was crazier than anything Representative Greene had said that week.

 

17 tapes held by the FBI that were allegedly tied to a whistleblower no one was in contact with for 3 years, and who has subsequently been arrested have been located. While most are not labeled, the following have been identified: Queen, A Night at the Opera; Deep Purple, Machine Head; The Allman Brothers Band Live at the Fillmore East (2 tape set); and George Carlin, Class Clown. It should be noted that the above recordings have been used so many times that the magnetic tape has stretched and the recordings have been designated as "Unlistenable" by several noted audiophiles.

 

Marjorie Taylor Greene today announced that she will be looking for even more photographs to display on the House floor during investigations. The representative said, “It’s vitally important that we get to the naked truth, and if anyone knows about naked, it’s me!” Greene has purportedly demanded to see the contents of various people's phones and other devices “To expose them or at least get some new ideas.”


Cliff Lake 7/22/2023

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2023

Location: Washington, DC, USA

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