The Strange Ridiculous Ballad of Strawberry Sam and Freeway Fran

By Cliff Lake

The Strange Ridiculous Ballad of Strawberry Sam and Freeway Fran

 

Strawberry Sam and Freeway Fran

Resolved to caper a caper.

They concocted a plan,

To scam the Old Man

Out of his spending paper.

Now Strawberry Sam and Freeway Fran

They weren’t the brightest students.

And the Old Man wasn’t their biggest fan,

So, they may have been being imprudent.

Well, Strawberry Sam said to Freeway Fran,

“We can throw a sack over his head.”

But Freeway Fran said to Strawberry Sam,

“Let’s go at night when there isn’t light,

And we can catch him in his bed.”

Now Sam thought Fran’s idea was just fantastic.

And nodded his head in enthusiasm.

But Freeway didn’t tell Strawberry he was just being sarcastic,

And seeing Sam grinning at the sound of this sinning,

Fran thought Sam was having a spasm.

So, Freeway Fran took Strawberry Sam, shaking him vigorously.

But Strawberry Sam thought Freeway Fran was attacking,

And defended himself rigorously.

Now the Old Man was able to scan,

These proceedings from a small distance.

And knowing the clan, he could understand,

Why Sam would put up such resistance.

Now the Old Man, he planned a plan,

To find out what sort of tricks they were picking.

And knowing they were thick, he could be slick,

And kick them both a good licking.

So, he shaved his beard, and looking odd and weird,

Introduced himself as a stranger.

And made it plain he had a brain,

And was something of a criminal arranger.

Now the Old Man said in deadpan,

“We’ll surprise the old miser.”

“We’ll sneak up behind,

And clonk him on his rind,

And make off with him none the wiser.”

Well, Freeway Fran and Strawberry Sam,

Liked this program,

And nodded with glints in their eyes.

And the Old Man having sold them his scam,

Went home to set his surprise.

Seeing the stranger gone Sam and Fran

Couldn’t believe their dumb luck.

With the stranger gone,

Their profits had grown long,

No sharing with the dumb schmuck.

Now the Old Man, had had to scram,

And make it home toot sweet.

He had a plan, a sort of sham,

And a pair of morons to unseat.

He took all day and a bale of hay,

And his jacket just for a lark.

In the corner he’d stay,

While Sam and Fran preyed,

And all three of them waited for dark.

Then Strawberry Sam and Freeway Fran

Crept into the Old Man’s home.

And with big sticks, these two dumb hicks,

Thought to crack the Old Man’s dome.

But they’d misread, it was a pumpkin head,

On top of that bale of straw.

It caved in, like a soft wineskin,

It was murder they thought they saw.

And to save his skin, Sam did cave in,

And socked Freeway Fran on the jaw.

So, the two began to tussle then,

Then the Old Man muscled in,

And smacked the two of them in front of the bale.

So, the Old man counts his coin,

As he sits on his loin,

And his gold he still weighs.

And Strawberry Sam and Freeway Fran sit in jail,

And grow old and frail,

And count out their remaining days.

 

Cliff Lake 3/5/2023

Copyright © Clifford Lake 2023


 

Location: Dalton, MA, USA

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